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Rabbi Dov Liebenstein

Tailor-Made Love

Torah Thoughts on Parshas Toldos by Rabbi Dov Leibenstein


"וַיֶּאֱהַב יִצְחָק אֶת עֵשָׂו כִּי צַיִד בְּפִיו וְרִבְקָה אֹהֶבֶת אֶת יַעֲקֹב"  בְּרֵאשִׁית כ''ה:כ''ח

“And Yitzchak loved Eisav because of the game that was in his mouth, and Rivka loved Yaakov.”  Bereshis 25:28


There is much discussion in the Meforshim as to why Yitzchak loved Eisav. Was he really fooled to the extent that he considered Eisav worthy of his love? Perhaps we can explain Yitzchak’s love for Eisav as follows: Of course Yitzchak was not fooled by Eisav and his shenanigans. He knew good and well of Eisav’s character and misdeeds. Yet, nonetheless, he still hoped to one day turn him around. With this hope in mind, Yitzchak looked to draw Eisav close, hoping against all odds that this closeness would spur Eisav into reversing his evil ways. Since the most effective means with which to draw someone close is אַהֲבָה, Yitzchak looked for ways to love Eisav in order to build a connection with him.


Yitzchak understood that the key to Eisav’s heart was not a blatt Gemara. Yitzchak realized that if he wanted to reach Eisav’s heart and win him over, he would need to express his love based on Eisav’s interests. To do so, Yitzchak feigned an interest in Eisav’s hunting capabilitites. He would ask Eisav to supply him his meals. This way he had the opportunity to recognize and praise Eisav for his outstanding qualities – for his devoted כִּיבּוּד אָב, for his talent in hunting, and for preparing such gourmet meals. Yitzchak hoped that by expressing his love to him in this manner, he would connect with him on his level and eventually draw him close to the Torah derech.


We can now appreciate the different terminology that the Torah employs when describing Yitzchak and Rivka’s אַהֲבָה. Of Rivka the Torah says "וְרִבְקָה אֹהֶבֶת", in the present tense. Her love for Yaakov was constant, whereas regarding Yitzchak it says "וַיֶּאֱהַב יִצְחָק אֶת עֵשָׂו", in the past tense. Kli Yakar notes the difference in language and explains it along these lines. According to our understand of the events, this makes sense. Yaakov was a mother’s dream and her love towards him came naturally, hence the use of the word "אֹהֶבֶת" – it was a constant love. On the other hand, Yitzchak’s love for Eisav did not come naturally. How could it? They represented such polar opposites. Rather, "וַיֶּאֱהַב יִצְחָק"; he created and nurtured his love. The use of the past tense denotes that his love was based on events and deeds that had happened.  This was not a constant, natural love, but rather a love that was built upon – as the pasuk continues – "כִּי צַיִד בְּפִיו", because he would eat from his catch. Simply understood, it means that Yitzchak loved Eisav because he provided his meals. If we are correct with our פְּשַׁט, the pasuk can be read that Yitzchak loved Eisav through the catch that he ate. The word "כִּי" has four definitions. (Rosh Hashanah 3a) One of them is עַל יְדֵי – through. The medium through which Yitzchak created this love for Eisav was “through” the "צַיִד בְּפִיו", by taking an interest in Eisav’s hunting and culinary expertise. In this manner he endeavored to draw Eisav close and to then begin the work to bring him back to his roots. 


There is a tremendous lesson in chinuch to be gleaned from here. In Mishlei (22:6) we are taught "חַנוֹךְ לַנַעַר עַל פִּי דַרְכּוֹ" – educate every child according to his way. Chinuch can never be a one-size-fits-all approach. Every child has his own path and requires tailor-made techniques and methods to be reached. From Yitzchak Avinu we learn that it must all be done through love, and more importantly, this love must also be tailor-made. Sometimes the means to connect to a child is by learning together, yet, oftentimes it is rather extracurricular activities that speak to a child. You cannot be מְקָרֵב everybody with serious learning. Kiruv needs to be personalized to each person’s interest. The focus has to be on being able to reach the child. And the best way to do that is to understand what is important to the child and to connect with him in that manner.


 

Rabbi Ben Dov Liebenstein received Semicha from HTC in 1954, and served as principal of the Yeshiva High School of HTC for four years. Rabbi Liebenstein was educational supervisor for over forty-five years at Associated Talmud Torahs for all ATT schools. He was concurrently Director of HTC’s Teachers Institute for Women for twenty years. He is the author of “Torah Insights for the Shabbos Table”.

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