A Tragic Failure of Middos

Torah Thoughts on Parshas Ki Seitzei by Sheldon Sussi Stern

"לֹא יָבֹא עַמוֹנִי וּמוֹאָבִי בִּקְהַל ה' גַּם דוֹר עֲשִׂירִי לֹא יָבֹא לָהֶם בִּקְהַל ה' עַד עוֹלָם עַל דְבַר אֲשֶׁר לֹא קִדְמוּ אֶתְכֶם בַּלֶחֶם וּבַמַיִם בַּדֶרֶךְ בְּצֵאתְכֶם מִמִצְרָיִם וַאֲשֶׁר שָׂכַר עָלֶיךָ אֶת בִּלְעָם בֶּן בְּעוֹר מִפְּתוֹר אֲרַם נַהֲרַיִם לְקַלְלֶךָּ" דְבָרִים כ"ג:ד'-ה'

“An Ammonite or Moabite shall not enter the congregation of God, even their tenth generation shall not enter the congregation of God, to eternity, because they did not greet you with bread and water on the road when you were leaving Egypt, and because he hired against you Bilaam, son of Beor, of Pesor, Aram Naharayim, to curse you.” Devarim 23:4-5

If we were to put these two pesukim in modern parlance it would sound something like, “We can’t marry someone from Ammon or Moav because they didn’t offer you refreshments when you were on the road from Egypt and because they hired an assassin to kill you.” One would surely think the latter lethal behavior would overshadow their lack of hospitality. Yet it seems that both Ammon and Moav, the descendants of Lot, our distant cousin, share the same antipathy to Klal Yisrael that we see from our other distant relatives, Yishmael and Eisav (Edom). They too would like to see our demise. Yet, their equally pernicious record does not disqualify them from converting and having a path to marry into Am Yisrael. An even more egregious example would be the Egyptians, who enslaved us and actually killed many of Bnei Yisrael. Once converted, they are given a path to marriage.

The famous discussion in Yevamos 76b clarifies that this prohibition applies only to the exclusion of the Moabite males, citing that the explicit reason for their exclusion is immediately stated in the pesukim, namely, “They did not greet you with bread and water”, and this act is customary for men to exercise, not women. According to the Midrash, this distinction was the source of debate when Boaz married Ruth HaMoavia, and the controversy arose with her great-grandson, David, who was to become Melech HaMoshiach. It was forever resolved by no less than the Beis Din of Shmuel HaNavi.

The take-away is that Ammon and Moav only exist as a result of Avraham Avinu saving their grandfather Lot. His progeny failed to show Bnei Yisrael the most basic gesture of gratitude, ‘bread and water’. The middah of Hakaras HaTov is so fundamental to Yiddishkeit that no matter what shevet we come from we are called Yehudim. When Leah, recognizing through Ruach HaKodesh that Yaakov was destined to have 12 sons through Rachel, Leah, Bilah and Zilpah, upon giving birth to her fourth son, she gave thanks to Hashem for giving her more than she assumed would be her share, and in recognition, named him Yehudah. The Gemara (Avodah Zarah 5b) addresses the reprehensible attitude of ‘kaffui tov’, ingratitude. In the beginning, Adam HaRishon compounded the sin of eating from the etz hada’as by saying to Hashem: “The woman You gave me had me eat.” This expression of ingratitude cemented mankind’s eviction from Gan Eden. We, members of Klal Yisrael, whose mission is to correct the original sin, must always be makeerei tov, starting with those around us, and always through our actions show gratitute to God for giving us more than our share.

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Sheldon Sussi Stern is a graduate of HTC (FYHS 1970). After learning under HaRav Ahron Soloveichik זצ''ל, he was a talmid of HaRav Eliyahu Eliezer Rafael Mishkovsky זצ''ל at Yeshiva Knesset Chizkiyahu, Kfar Chassidim. A member of HTC’s Board of Directors for over 30 years, he has been instrumental in the founding of many Torah, chesed, and educational organizations in Chicago. He is Executive Director of Buckingham Pavilion Rehabilitation & Senior Living Center.